the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize