Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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