Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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