you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize