Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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