Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
