Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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