Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
