you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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