That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
