left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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