She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize