Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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