I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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