i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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