I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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