Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
