I think I am morally bankrupt
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
