jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
