There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
