You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
