Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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