Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
