omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
