You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize