so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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