thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
