I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
