You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
