I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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