just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
