Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she smelled like a LAN party
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
