Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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