Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
