I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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