Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
