it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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