Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
