I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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