Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
