I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
