Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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