In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
