Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
