I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize