Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
