Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
