Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
