Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
