he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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