There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
