he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize