Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
