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): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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