Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
