Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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