she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
