just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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