just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
