Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize