Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
