i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
