JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
