just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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