So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
