I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
