I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
