he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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